


Can't tell what I want

by SansThePacifist



Series: Hamilton Stories [2]
Category: Hamilton - Fandom, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: AU modern, Alexander is a feisty bab, Alexanderson, Bickering, But they sound like jokes, Comments & kudos appreciated, Crushes, Everyone wants the two to shut up and/or ease the tension between the two, Getting angry at themselves for liking them so they get angry at their crush and yell at them, He also has anxieties, Hight difference, Human disaster Hamilton, Idk how to tag em, Idk kinda sad, Im not good at tagging if you cant tell, It gets awkward after that though, Jamilton - Freeform, Jokes, Kinda cute too, Kinda funny but not, Kissing, Lmao i love these two i need help i have so many ships im drowning, M/M, Ok those are like, Open Ending, Pining i guess?, Pulling by the collar, RIP, Self-Loathing, Swearing, There is a kiss, They are little school boys i swear to god, They work together so the two are probably gonna get dissmessed for a few days, Washingdad, but also kinda angsty, fluff?, its like, kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 15:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12324072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SansThePacifist/pseuds/SansThePacifist
Summary: “Darlin’. As much as I love hearing your every rebuttal can you shut up for once?”"Jeffershit, I do not give a fuck."





	Can't tell what I want

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this on my phone, so if I made any mistakes, feel free to tell me!  
> Still not used to writing these two, but I hope you enjoy it!

“ _Darlin’_ .” Sarcasm dripped from every word of his, the tall man clearly not giving a damn for what the other was saying. “As much as I _love_ hearing your every rebuttal can you _shut up for once_?”

And that, my dear friends, was Thomas Jefferson, the asshole, but Alexander's favorite nickname for him was-

“Jeffershit,” He had found that nickname out on accident actually. He was in an argument with Jefferson when he spilt steaming coffee on himself and swore, creating that amazing nickname. “I do not give a fuck.” Truly, that was a lie, but there was no reason to delve into why.

Jefferson’s eyes narrowed as the curly haired man took a step closer to Hamilton. “And I do, now shut up and let people have sweet release from headaches, you lil’ shit.” Hamilton frowned, glaring at Jefferson. “I may be annoying and give people headaches but at least I have decent opinions.”

“No you don't-”

“Yes I do-”

“Stop being an idiot, _HAMILTON_ .” Jefferson spat, brushing a hand through his curly hair, which seemed impossible because it was a _mess_.

“Stop being an asshole, JEFFERSON.” Of course, he spat back. A look crossed Thomas’ features before he just sighed and dropped his hand to his temples, mumbling something about needing a pill. “Fuck you. Fuck you, jefferson. _Fuck_ _you_.” Once again, hamilton found himself storming out of the room in a fury.

After a while, people stopped trying to ask him what's wrong whenever he was like this, stomping his way through the hallway and muttering profanities. Fuck Jefferson for being so attractive yet at the same time the hugest asshole to walk on planet earth.

Fuck him.

He wished- what no, he didn’t. He didn't..

Fuck it. He did. He totally did, but was always terrible at lying to himself. It was getting progressively easier to find himself spitting rude things to jefferson, but at first, all he could do was whisper his opinions on a topic and feign anger. But now, _now_ , he kept finding himself legitimately angry. He wished he didn't have to be. Fake it till you make it. _Fake it till you make it_.

 

He could fake he hates Jefferson ever since they met in middle school but it was a lie. Most of his friends know it. He fell heads over heels for that beautiful, smooth voice, his choice in fashion, his hair, his attitude- just.. Basically everything he has ever insulted, except for most of his opinions on political matters. He was in too deep. He fell so far in sk little time and it just got worse and worse as it went on.

He didn't need space, that only made it worse, he would think about him more and god knows that if he spends any more nights thinking what could be, what he is like in a relationship, unable to sleep so instead working, he will go insane. He needs a break, but any he gets, he thinks of him more. It was insane for him to think that over time Alexander found himself glaring at thomas, that the man would just kiss him. It wouldn't happen. He knew that.

He hurt though, no. He craved for Thomas. He wondered what it would be like to feel his lips. What it would feel like to be in a fit of passion, be it ending up naked or just out of breath. Perhaps it was just because of those few days he would do nothing but drink coffee and work, maybe that was why he found out he was heads over heels. Imagining situations with someone else is normal for him, especially when sleep deprived or when high on caffeine, but when your knees get weak from a simple and dreamed of kiss… Well, you fill in the blanks.

Maybe it was just lust for him. It would be over if he just fucked him once, got one kiss. But he knew it wasn't that. It wasn’t. No, he was in love, almost obsessed, with the taller of the two. It made him self conscious, making him notice how bad the bags under his eyes were or how ugly he looks with his hair down. How terrible and greasy it looks in general when he forgets to shower a day or two. With that, his already low self esteem plummeted, continuously getting lower and lower every time he looked in the mirror or whenever Thomas would make a snide remark about how terrible he looks.

Oh how could he ever forget, though. Thomas hated him, hated his guts, every work he spoke, everything about him. Hamilton wouldn't be surprised if he gets punched by him for some stupid reason. It really was a stupid idea to make everything a fight with him like some foolish schoolboy. He didn't know how to deal with his affections and continued to take his anger out on him. It was stupid. Now, if he suddenly acted like he didn't hate him, it would raise suspicions for his mental and physical health.

So imagine the surprise he got when Thomas followed after him, tapping him gently on the shoulder. The shorter of the two glared at him, words dripping with fury, “What do you want?” Thomas Jefferson never spoke to him unless he had something in mind.

“I shouldn't be shocked, darlin, don't know manners when it comes to slap you in the face.” Thag southern accent made his knees weak, but he had to keep acting like it didn't affect him.

“Drop the act.” That was all it took for Jefferson to frown at him. He seemed almost confused? Hurt? His heart lurched at that, wanting to grab him then and there and pull him to his level only to kiss him instead of argue, but when he went halfway through with it, face to face with Jefferson, he suddenly felt anxieties climb through him, so he just narrowed his eyes, keeping the other there. “I asked what you wanted.” Idiot.

“Believe it or not, sweetheart,” What was with all these nicknames? “I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Him? He let out an amused scoff.

“Yeah, and I'm George Washington.” Now that wasn't something he meant to say, still holding Jefferson down. They could see each other clearly, eye to eye for the first time in forever. Not opinion wise however. The other could probably tell his faint amusement, perhaps from the scoff, or the way his eyebrow lifted slightly, maybe just the light shortly returning to his eyes as it almost seemed to twinkle. Alexander quickly let go of Jefferson’s collar, frowning to himself. “Well, I don't need your pity, _Jefferson_.” Yes he did.

Jefferson sighed, correcting his posture. It was hard seeing Hamilton look so angry or in fear- why was he scared? Scared of jefferson? Is that why he kept lashing out? The man has almost hoped that it wasn't. He didn't want to have to deal with that. “Whatever. If you don't want me to try to be kind to you for once, Hamilton, then I won't.” He will also drink a bottle of vintage wine and eat ice cream in his bathroom. Specific, but it happens every time he gets in a fight with Alexander and doesn't make amends. Hamilton bristled, eying the other man as if a stray dog checking him for threats.

“Fine. What were you going to do?”

“Make amends?”

“That won't do.” Thomas looked down at him, as if pondering his choices before speaking up again.

“I didn't really think this through.” Hamilton laughed at that, it was a bitter laugh but accomplishment enough. He almost wanted to soar through the sky at it. Hamilton walked away with an awkward and brief ‘good bye’.

He wanted to slap himself when the next day, he found himself in another argument over who moved who's cup and where Hamilton’s had went. Work was normal, it seems. People groaned and scoffed when they started bickering, some just ignoring them in favor of getting their own cup. Everyday they would argue, now Hamilton wanted to shut him up. “Will you just stop arguing with me over the stupidest shit, jefferson? Will you ever shut up?” The other laughed in return.

“Make me.” He wanted to kiss him then and there.

“Maybe I will.” He whispered that before walking away, coffee be damned. He didn't want it now, he was too busy trying to calm his anxieties at the whispers of gossip that sprang out from others as soon as he left the room. Once he reached his office, he shut himself in, writing for hours and hours about the cases he was supposed to work on, nor caring to look at the clock until an alarm chimed on his phone, telling him to take a shower.

Oh.

He stayed way past late- well he'll be darned. Didn't exactly expect that with how little he had gotten done, but now, he was sure the gossip has spread across the company and groaned into his hands. How did he forget to check the clock on his laptop? How did he manage to stay until midnight. He looked up in realization that the hallway lights should be off. They weren’t.

He didn't get much sleep that night, walking down to make coffee in the early hours. He needed to stay awake and work. Sleeping on the job or at work in general wasn't something he enjoyed doing. Insomnia didn't like it much anyways, keeping him up to ungodly hours of the day. It was insane, no, he was insane.

He wasn't exactly shocked to see Washington to be the first to arrive, not necessarily shocked at Alexander practically soaking the energy from the caffeine. “Did you sleep, son?”

“I'm not your son.”

The light bickering between the two continued until Jefferson arrived, hamilton taking another sip of his Coffee to avoid talking to the taller of the two. But of course, either Jefferson got the hint and approached him anyways or just didn't care to notice. “So what was it about making me shut up, darlin’?” Hamilton practically growled out and insult, drinking the last of his coffee before getting another cup. He should probably eat something, but he'll just wait until lunch.

They somehow managed to get into another argument during a meeting and he'd be damned if his sleep deprived brain didn't think things through. He spoke up and later just dragged Jefferson down to his level only to kiss him angrily and walk away, still fuming. To say that Jefferson was frozen was an understatement. He just stood there, not sure what to do before looking to the other members in confusion. That happened, right? They either shrugged or nodded, perhaps doing both. Which made no sense. But no matter, when his brain finally caught up, he mumbled profanities under his breath, facing turning red before chasing after Hamilton.

 

“I didn't mean to do that, leave me alone.”

“Is that what you meant by shutting me up?”

“I said leave me alone.”

“I'm not leaving until you answer my damn question, hamilton.” Back to calling him Hamilton instead of pet names, it seems. Maybe it was him trying to show that he was serious without having to actually do much. Maybe it wasn't, but Hamilton didn't want to take the jump.

“Leave me be, Jefferson.”

“Open the damn door and let me talk with you.” When the door opened, he saw a slightly uh out of it hamilton, clearly trying to understand why he did what he did or why Jefferson was still trying to talk to him. “About what you did earlier-”

“I kissed you. I didn't mean it.” A look of hurt came to Jefferson as he tried to subdue it.

“Of course..” He trailed off momentarily before looking back the Alexander with newfound determination. “But are you lying-” The other tried to deny it but Jefferson continued, his voice getting quieter and quieter. “then I want to know if you'd like to go on a date.”

 

A what?

Did he just-? Holy shit he just asked Hamilton out, and he didn't even mean to, it just came out.

“oh.” It was quiet but he heard it well enough to focus back on Alexander as the other got progressively more embarrassed and shut the door on him. That..was that rejection? He was scared of this happening. “i-im sorry, I don't know how to deal with this.. just…” It was weird to hear Alexander so out of it but he needed to get back to work.

“Of course, I'll leave then." He paused momentarily before continuing. "Take your time."

Taking your time doesn't mean a week.


End file.
